Deep Thoughts

Finally a new language has been created! You haven't heard? Winkipee. Ok, ok. You're trying to get all the facts at once. I'm no slot machine. Pshh. My stomach doesn't magically start turning as if slots were there. Those slots on my stomach do not have number 7's on them or even apples. Be patient. Here take a Vicodin. Feel better? Good. Take two more. And how about one for the road...

Winkipee. Not to be confused with the other newly discovered language Winkipea. Just another language of the Pygmies. Americans show off their Gold medals; Pygmies take pride in their 17,010 languages. Yes, the Pygmiatic language boasts new symbols. Not characters on paper, my friend, for the symbols are shown using only the eyelids.

Blinking. A gift from God. Because without blinking, we would have "DRY EYES." Thank you Ben Stein, Clear Eyes Commercial Legend.

The tribe only uses blinking to communicate! 1 blink = yes, 2 blink = no. Phrases are made simply. 1 eye open & 1 eye closed = "where is the nearest bathroom?" You see, the Africaans use a number of variations to communicate like eye half open, patch on or off, or no eyeballs at all. You get the point. Literally, the guy with no eyes did. Straight to the eye. Gouged! Lucky for him though, he's the only one of the Pygmies that can ask for toilet paper. (toilet paper = 1 eye closed, 1 open no eyeball)

So, I'm a man on a mission. A mission to learn this language. The tribe has taken me in. I'm nervous though. There's been a lot of blinking. I would categorize it as awkward blinking. As if they were saying, "what do you want us to do?" WAIT!!! (2 blinks followed by a half-open eye lid!) They are asking me what do I want them to do!!

Josh quickly runs over to the tribe. He blinks multiple times, and seconds later the Pygmies attack visciously. Little did Josh know, he was wearing designer glasses. (1 blink from both eyes, followed by two half-open eye lids, + glasses = I would like to be a dead man).

Ah. What a fascinating language.