I saw someone eating a Bratwurst the other day. It was intriguing. How can a law-abiding citizen degrade himself that low to partake of such a monstrosity? I can still see those grotesque images. The guy bit down hard. The sausage skin broke with sort of suction sound. Potent juices streamed down his face. He continued to slowly chomp his life away.
Ahh, the Bratwurst. A German delicacy. But yet, no one knows the contents beneath the slippery skin. The recipe is highly confidential. It’s as confidential as the Krabby Patty recipe. Yeah…that secretive. But, alas, I am here, your Bratwurst Braveheart, to proclaim the highly sought after frankfurter recipe.
You better thank me. I had to sneak this coveted research funding into Obama’s Stimulus Bill. Luckily, I got approved for a 2.7 billion dollar grant for my Bratwurst study. There’s no way you can argue that it's a “pork” bill. Bahahahaaaa…that made me laugh.
Anywho, let’s get to the research findings.
The 16 ingredients identified in a common Bratwurst:
1. Meat (still not sure what kind though)
2. Cotton
3. Starbucks Via
4. Skittles
5. Creamed Corn
6. A Baby Shark
7. Rubber
8. Iphone 4
9. Captain Crunch
10. Vuvuleas (they’re everywhere!)
11. Part of Tyson’s ear (in every sausage, crazy, I know!)
12. Tiger Gatorade (no one else would buy it, except the Brat companies)
13. A Whole Quarter
14. Meerkat
15. The Common Cold Virus
16. Licorice Jelly Beans (again, no one eats them)
So now, the next time you bite into a delectable Bratwurst, appreciate the time and effort that took in collecting all those ingredients and stuffing them into such a small tube of space. Cheerio Chaps!
Oops, I didn’t mean that “Cheerio Chaps” to sound like a British goodbye. Those are actually two more ingredients I forgot to tell you about! So, that brings our total to 18 ingredients. 18 wonderful ingredients for you to enjoy all in one bite. What other food can claim that? Happy eating!
