Deep Thoughts

sit back, relax, laugh a little.

6/19/2010

Fashion Update!

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Deep Thoughts is releasing a fashion alert! Attention Attention! FASHION ALERT! Thanks to my weekly subscription to Runway Magazine, I hear of all the new fashion alerts waaay before they hit the Gucci & Christian Dior storefronts. Remember the sequin barbed wire look? Remember pleated jeans? I prepped you in early March, and--Boom--the fad hit later that month. You can trust Deep Thoughts for all your fashion news and updates.

So all you fashion fanatics out there who have been checking the blog daily to see what the new fad might be...I am here to end the wait. Your fashion leader speaks. The moment you've been waiting for...the new fashion for the month of July. Camouflage! Shocking, isn't? For July, you'll be stylin if you flaunt a little green at the beach. Be proud of wearing long sleeves. Because you are fashionable. You are fresh. Funky fresh.

Some of Hollywood's hots were seen sporting the new camo pattern. Of course, they were completely hidden due to the fabulous fabric, so I can't identify who they were...just the curse of being in style.

I've got my camo cardigan on right now. Cost me 225.95. Not bad. Where's your camo?

Chic out.

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6/11/2010

I'm now a Recycle Fanatic

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In honor of NBC, I'm going green. I have completely lost my mind, and I value the earth above all else. So step aside all you greed-loving-tree-killing-capitalists, because here I come, ReCycLe is here. Notice I put some capital letters in my superhero name. This effect should cause intense emotion for mindless Americans to follow me on my journey to take down Democracy and save little animals and spruces.

Here are my plans for making the world greener:

1. All major motor companies should accept my design concept for the new methane-gas-powered car. Think about it. The Toyota Toot. There's one good thing Americans can make: methane. There are advantages to being overweight. Good work America.
2. Spray paint brown lawns. That'll make the world a little greener.
3. Since my name is ReCycLe, I like to recycle. Anyone who refuses to recycle will face capital punishment. Simple as that. Hey, you may think that's harsh, but sometimes green needs to see some red. Plus, I believe in reincarnation (or as I put it...recycling). You don't recycle? How about life as a pig? How are those hooves treating ya?!?! I got thumbs. ReCycLe strikes again!
4. Require all children to be hypnotized into thinking that "being green" is normal. We've got to reach the next generation. Offer lollipops if they refuse.
5. If none of the above tactics work, we must pull out plan G. Need I say what G stands for? Out of our green headquarters in the NBC Studio, we start emitting our propaganda. And just like a mirrored WWII Germany, we turn NBC into Hitler's lair. Take that Capitalists! Green shall rule the world. And we shall have blonde hair, blue eyes, and green lawns.

So pick up your pitchforks and grab the torches. I'm feeling a revolt coming on! A revolt for a greener tomorrow. ReCycle out!

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6/02/2010

My Solution to BP's Problem

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Now hear me out. I wanna talk about BP's oil problem. Don't you dare press that X on your internet browser. I've tried to help! I have relentlessly called to BP's solution hotline. I have written letters; I have sent my own personal homing pigeons. But to no avail. In return, I have been shunned, mocked, and most recently my house egged. Thanks all to BP. Maybe you should start focusing on that spill rather than ruining my life! OH SLAM! (Audience claps softly, a chuckle emerges)

So, let me gather my faithful revolutionaries as we take down BP. I'm talking about you. WE NEED YOU! With your help, we can drive BP's stock price even lower! YAY! Are you with me? Let's make BP the new Enron. Or should I say the new Lyntech. Never heard of them? My point exactly. Utter extinction.

So here's my plan. First, we sabotage their solution hotline. Create a Facebook fan group "BP Hates Nature" and have members call in with hate messages. Maybe send in really bad ideas like Top Kill or something. Or, I know! Throw golf balls down the tube to plug it! You know, dumb ideas like that.

I kid you not...http://www.slate.com/id/2254211

Next, let's egg BP's house. Sweet revenge, I know. I have some leftover eggs from BP's last attack. So, let's blast that mansion. Aim for windows. Aim for executives' kids.

Yes, BP has a house. Just trust me on this one.

Last, we gotta seal the deal. Leave BP with nothing. After BP continues to fail at solving the oil spill, we gather a large pool of money. At least a billion. Maybe more. With that Facebook group, it'll be easy! We wait a year. Then, BP's stock price will be within penny range! Then like fast-moving cats that resemble graceful cheetahs, we buy. And buy. And buy. 51% of shares to be exact. We will then control all of BP operations. It's foolproof, almost predestined (whoops, there goes my Arminian audience).

Of course by now, the oil spill still won't be solved. So, we enact the plan BP had been looking for so long. Our secret plan! The one just delivered by armored vehicles. Here it is!! Simply...flip...the..."off switch."

My goodness! I mean. It's right there next to the "call for executive jet switch!" I can see how you'd get distracted. BP meet GM. DOUBLE SLAM! (Audience emits an utter chatter, an old man leaves for the bathroom)

Now...the last step and final blow: change the name to AP. American Petroleum. Booyah! Ethnocentrism to the max!

Good work everybody! So, who's gonna start that Facebook group. Can I be an officer?

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