Deep Thoughts

When I look at my history book for school, all I see are facts, the same boring facts. I want to see inside the life of historical figures. What kind of ice cream did Charles Lindbergh like? Did Nero have any pets? Was George Washington Carver a fan of European Football Leagues? So many questions our history books ignore. All they tell us is the useless stuff: the presidents, famous dates, the French losing at everything. I want more! Is that too much to ask

Luckily, I am a part-time historian. Thank heavens for all those online classes! I decided to go “digging” myself for answers. So where did I end up? No, not Washington D.C. That’s where they want you to look. I had to go to North Dakota. Yes, the Indian land, my friend. And when I say Indian, I mean Native American. Don’t want to offend any of our “red folk.” Kowatawa to you.

Our government knew the Hopi tribe could guard our nation’s secrets best. Actually, to be honest, that was the deal they set up when we were taking all their land. “Ok, we’ll ruin your lives by taking your buffaloes, women, and children. We’ll then store our government files on your land. Oh, and the land doesn’t belong to you either. This will be a loan and there’s a hefty interest rate.”

So, we made peace with the Indians.

I went straight to the file room. Well, it was actually the file teepee. How they fit all those files in there, I do not know. I just started opening folders up and salivated. A teepee of knowledge. How paradoxical! The smell of cowhide was strong as I flipped through the files. I coughed a bit. My jaw just dropped; this teepee is answering all my questions. And it’s not even speaking!

Did you know…Helen Keller was never blind? It was her black glasses that caused her “blindness.” Who would have thought?

Oh, here’s another…Ronald Reagan’s mother was Jewish. Interesting.

Look at this! Kansas was never officially accepted into the USA. They just thought everyone was signing a get-well card for Illinois.

So many answers to all of life’s mysteries, so little time. The Indians bid me farewell. But I insisted to stay for their ceremonial tribal dance. They stared at me and went back into their air-conditioned houses.