Deep Thoughts

Today's elections are boring. You have to agree with me. Usually, you have two candidates who have worked their whole lives to achieve approval from peers as a good leader of America. Then, they run. Physically yes. They do need to stay in shape. But also, stay with me, for the office of presidency. Next step, they need to lie to us, promising the unpromisible. "Yes! Of course you can have $331,000 free of charge. We'll just tax the rich! Yay Communism! And here's a lollipop."

Next, America votes. I think government just tells us that though. Actually what happens is that they just put two names in a hat and see who gets lucky! Wait a second, how did Jimmy Carter fall in that hat!?! Oh man, there goes 4 years. Last time we have the janitor reach in the hat...

So, basically that's how America's voting system works. People say it's very detailed. Whatever. I just simplified it into 2 paragraphs with a couple jokes intertwined. It's boring. It needs help. I think we should make the voting process more enjoyable. Here are my ideas.

1. Sometime during the election, the candidate must accidentally punch a woman voter. This way, SNL would have a lot more to play off of. And of course, everyone could get a good laugh even that woman.
2. Everyone who wants to shake the candidate's hand MUST get an opportunity. Even if the process takes 3 straight days off the candidate's calendar. A handshake tells us a lot more about a person. With a handshake, we know how to vote: Republican or Democrat.
3. Voting Ballot Update: add pictures, remind us who we are voting for. That way it's not a 50/50 guess again.
4. Randomly choose a ballot, say the voter's name on TV, and then say who they voted for. That way, we can all enjoy a good laugh at who they thought could be president. "That guy? oh man, you always give me a hearty good laugh."