Boycotting is such a beautiful right. It's just so nice when we can refuse good hard American work just because the item costs 10 cents too much. Or just because the product broke after we dropped it from a 20-story building. Instantly, we must sue, boycott, and set aflame all of the company products. This is our duty as Americans. Technically, the board of directors wants this to happen. So hey, I will burn down the Chrysler building if I see crummy cars.
--NEWS FLASH--The Chrysler Building has burned down. There are no suspects. Kia is using the rubble to make cars.
So, on to the list of companies I am going to boycott. I suggest that you, as a faithful American, do the same.
#1: Geico-As much as I love the theme music for their commercials, I inspected their financial statements. Seems as if 3 billion dollars has been going straight to terrorist organizations for the past 5 years. My answer to that? Boycott. Try to sell that to a terrorist, Geico.
#2: Williams-Sonoma-I bought a soup ladle from them about 2 years ago. It didn't hold as much soup as I wanted it to. STAMP BOYCOTT.
#3: La-Z-Boy-New production is being made for the release of a dog-hide leather couch. Every time you shift position, it barks, or yelps depending on position. La-Z-Boy claims they're controlling the pet population. Recycle to the max. Recycle this...Boycott.
#4: Dippin Dots-They are just too innovative. Obesity is getting so bad, you no longer have to chew your ice cream. Chewing was the only exercise the fat folk could do! Thanks alot Dippin Dots for keeping America fat...ugh.
#5: Sherwin-Williams-Recently, the company came out with a paint named, "Rainbow." I have to paint my house, that's bad enough. Now I have a paint that changes color in different lighting. One minute I have a decadent chocolate coat, the next pee-green...Is that even a color??
#6: United Airlines-Ho hum. We should boycott all the airlines; I know. But United Airlines doesn't serve peanuts anymore. Just coke. Argh, what's next? No life preservers? Oh wait, costs are high, so they can only manufacture mini-vests. United Airlines and Dippin Dots are in a heated battle...
#7: Disney-Have you heard about the new movie Disney has come out with? Yes, G-Force. The one about hamsters. I'm boycotting immediately. Next, there going to be making movies about talking Chihuahuas. Oh wait...they did? NOOOO!!!
#8: Google-It's weird. Americans love Google. We've verberized the word. Verberized-to make a noun into a verb. Good work Google. But there's more to this company this just it's name. Recently google bought the country of Madagascar. I don't like companies owning countries. Boycott.
#9: Yonex-I don't like the name. Don't know what they make? Look it up on Google....Oh wait! Google strikes again! Get a yellow book. Forget google.
#10: Holiday Inn-Their cinnamon buns now contain high amounts of cholesterol. Don't tell me that! I enjoyed eating those. Well, might as well feed me Dippin Dots while I'm googling something. Holiday Inn is "inn"to keeping America fat. I'm not. Here's a boycott, guaranteed to lower your cholesterol.
Join me faithful Americans and keep my country safe from these monsters. I'm doing my part, are you? Grab a torch, let's arson together.
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2 comments:
1. I find it interesting that two of your top ten have "williams" in their names.
2. I agree with most of them with the exception of google. I like google.
3. I enjoy "Top 10s" and would like to see more in the future
4.
Dear Josh, or editor, or Josh's secretary
Would you mind posting more positive posts, perhaps? After all of the Holiday Inn cinnamon buns I had during my travels this summer--I think I may be going through a depression. I just feel like I've been living a lie.
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