Deep Thoughts

Phone call. You put your potato chips aside, wipe the grease off your fingers, and pick up the phone. As you listen to the voice on the other end, you look at yourself. What has happened to you? You're wearing a sweaty wife beater and no pants. You been unemployed for about 5 months now. But hey, you've been searching...

Oh yeah, the phone call! You stop looking at your fat slob and listen. It's Paramount Pictures. They need you back. You think to yourself. "Oh yeah, like I'll ever go back to them!" 8 months ago, Paramount fired you for directing Land Before Time XXVII. Little Foot actually marries Sarah! You thought it would be the next Dark Night. Seriously. But it wasn't. It made it to theaters, and people paid not to see the movie. The local charity Adoptions Anonymous benefited quite well from the extra money.

So, anyway, you're really bitter at Paramount for firing you. If Paramount were a mountain, you would set its trees aflame and not think twice about it. But that's if Paramount were a mountain. It's not. It's a movie company. Shoot. Plan A gone.

The guy asks if you want the job. Your second chance! You scratch your partly balding head. Not to sound too excited, you let out a sigh and say, "I reckon." Weird. Now your Southern. You've grown up in California your whole life. I mean you graduated from UCLA. Reckon?? Luckily, the guy on the other line bought it. Whew. Click, you hang up.

A week later, you go to the set of your new movie. This is your comeback! Just make a good impression. You arrive wearing the same exact clothes from a week ago. You haven't changed or bathed for a week. There was a Doritos stain across the front of you shirt. Not to mention the sweat stains. Oh, woops. Just did.

You're ready. Let's film this thing.

You open the script to your magnificent comeback to Hollywood. Director-Your name. Good. Length-2 hours. Check. Movie Title-"Facing the Giants 2: Return of the Southern Accent." You set the script down and cry to yourself quietly. It seems Paramount has gotten the last laugh...