Deep Thoughts

I have decided to enhance my vocabulary. It won't be easy. I live in the South; I'm surrounded by idiots. (Can he even say that?) People assume that opening the mouth and uttering sounds is fine English. Hey, You need to move your tongue a little! Add some plosives, fricatives, and bilabials (speech & vocal skills allusion, look it up).

Now that you've cleaned up your speech. We can work together. Let's enhance our speech TOGETHER. As one. Homework assignment for this week. Grab your handy-dandy Webster Dictionary. Blow the dust off. Cough. Open Book Cover. You know...you can do stuff on your own without me telling you. Now, turn the page. Urghh, there we go again! Cursed Webster!! Put down the book.

Let's just grab a CD and listen to Shakespeare all day. That'll deepen our speech way to much...Let's do it anyway! All week. All year. Problem solved.

----------10 years later----------

Turns out you're a freak show trying to preform Shakespeare in Central Park. The kids run away from you. Constantly. People throw rocks at you. Stinks to be you.

As for me, I just finished my fifth award-winning performance in Faust. I'm going to be knighted by the Queen of England herself! Good thing I listened to that CD. I'm so glad we both decided to make this decision....best of my life. How bout you?

Some kid is throwing rocks at you now. I gotta get out of here. Cya.