Deep Thoughts

So I’ve been trapped in a car for 9 hours today. Not to mention 9 more hours coming back home to Greenville on Sunday. I can now consider myself an expert on travel. Anything I tell you about traveling, accept it without questions. I am a travel expert. Here to make your travel plans go smoother. Let’s begin.

Throughout my travels this week, I have gained vast amounts of knowledge. I could fill a pamphlet full. Literally, if a travel agency came up to me, I could provide sufficient data to create quite an entertaining advertisement. There would be bullets and everything. But that’s beside the point.

I want to give you some helpful travel tips. Things to watch for, and (might I add) things to watch OUT for. So here we go. Obviously I have like a million tips. I will only give you a small glimpse of what resides in my mind. I’m telling you, this stuff is gold. Or, as good as gold. No, no. It’s gold. Use it in your bartering.

1. Hitchhiker Rule: Only pick him up if he has a large wallet. Check the pants (no pants=keep driving). Luckily, you might have found a CEO whose car recently broke down. He will reward you immensely. Good work.
2. Number of Stops: As your age increases, so must your stop count increase. That’s Newton’s 5th Law. There is actually a formula (Age + weight / MPH x number of axles = number of stops). But I calculated it myself.
   
3. The Lumbar Pain Solution*: You know what I’m talking about. Riding in a car for about 9 hours creates immeasurable pain in the lumbar region. For the youngins reading, the lumbar region is your lower back! Yes, go ahead, it’s safe to touch. So what’s the solution? You could stop and walk around but that increases your stop count! You don’t want that! Or you can participate in motoral yoga. Give yourself plenty of room, turn on cruise control, and bend. Warrior one & two work great maybe even upward dog. In no time, the pain disappears and your stop count stays low! Success!